The Complete Lesbian and Gay Parenting Guide by Arlene Istar Lev, CSW, Berkley Publishing Group, Softcover, p. 379, $15.00.

            In the introduction to this warm and witty book, Ms. Lev reveals her working title was How Queer: Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, and Transgender Parenting.  This is perhaps a more accurate reflection of the content than the publisher’s marketing-driven title.  Readers expecting a comprehensive nuts-and-bolts guide to parenting may be disappointed.  However, potential parents, particularly those who understand the experience of being different, will benefit greatly from Ms. Lev’s first person, compassionate review of the challenges and joys that LGBT parents might face.  Her years of experience as a family therapist, advice columnist and lesbian parent resonate on every page.

            The book is divided into four main sections, the first of which reviews the paths and roadblocks to LGBT parenthood and includes descriptions of artificial insemination, surrogacy and donor issues, co-parenting arrangements, domestic and international adoptions, and the need for cultural sensitivity in trans-racial adoptions.  The section ends with a particularly strong chapter called The Realities of Parenting, which offers fresh insight into the old adage “having a kid changes everything.”  The second section considers building healthy families and covers such topics as support systems and legal matters.  The third and briefest section reviews the painful challenges that families of all types might one day encounter, such as custody issues, domestic violence, mental illness and addiction.  The last part, entitled Family Life covers issues of special concern to LGBT parents such as: the incompatible combination of a toddler in daycare and a parent’s attempt to stay in the closet; the reality that both children and their LGBT parents are frequently subject to a burdensome level of scrutiny; children’s names for parents when there are multiple moms and/or dads; sex and reproductive education; and making choices about spirituality in an environment where religious views can be as divergent as loving acceptance and virulent condemnation.  Four well-researched appendices include information on other LGBT books, national and local organizations, and relevant Internet resources and magazines. 

Nearly every few pages throughout the book, real life stories are offered on topics related to the chapter content.  Some are laugh-out-loud funny and some poignant, while others are agonizing reflections on loss or disappointment.  The stories and the families that present them are simply (and wonderfully) too diverse to capture in this review and include the pregnant butch who exhorts that no one bring frilly maternity panties to the baby shower, to the MTF physician who delays her transition until after she started a family with her spouse, to name only two.  This diversity of viewpoints, and the author’s resolve to give voice to families of every stripe, is a welcome addition to the gayby boom literature.

            Academics and clinicians interested in a comprehensive review of the research on LGBT parenting may want to pass on this book and refer to APA’s excellent public interest article by Charlotte J. Patterson at http://www.apa.org/pi/parent.html, a reference included in the Internet resources appendix.  Likewise, those interested in learning more about families affected by HIV, as well as those who are infected and interested in starting a family, should look elsewhere as these issues are touched upon only briefly.  Practitioners and clinical students who seek a deeper understanding of the diversity of LGBT parents and the issues they face will benefit greatly from the book’s inclusive scope.  This book is highly recommended for any person contemplating the many paths to parenthood.  Ms. Lev is a respectful and wise guide who realistically shares both the challenges and the joys of building and nurturing a family. 

Reviewed by J. Greg Serpa