Lesbian and Gay Parenting book coverIn a Family Way

A column by Arlene (Ari) Istar Lev

The Lesbian Sorcerer

Posted By on July 1, 2009

The Lesbian Sorcerer
By Arlene (Ari) Istar Lev

They do studies about lesbian families because they worry about how our children will cope with being raised in queer homes. They want to know how they will feel about being the children of lesbian moms, and how they will process being deprived of a “normal” home and not having a dad (as if most American kids today live in two-parent, opposite sex families). They worry about what we will expose them to. These are the kinds of queer things I expose my child to.

We were reading a book the other night called, The Duke Who Outlawed Jelly Beans a series of wonderful fairy tales, published by Alyson Press’s children’s book department (Alys in Wonderland, of course). The tales are typical fairy tales of dragons and elves, except that some of the children have two moms, and some have two dads. Although never mentioned in the stories themselves, the pictures depict many multi-racial family members.

This is how my child is coping: I’m reading the section that says something like, "…and finding a job wasn’t easy for a lesbian sorcerer…" and my son says, "We have lesbians in our family too" in the most gleefulvoice.

I say, "Yes, we do. Your moms are lesbians."

He says, hitting his knee for emphasis, in a loud, throw back your head laughing voice, "Isn’t that great!"

“Yes," I say laughing, "it is pretty great!"

The next day he says to my partner, "Did you know momma is a lesbian?"

She smiles and says, "Yes, and so am I. Do you know what a lesbian is?"

"Yes," he says seriously. "A lesbian is someone who works really really hard to buy their children all the toys they need."

We watched part of the last March on Washington on television. My son looked from his Lego’s at one point quizzically watching Dana Rivers’ passionate speech. Very seriously he asked me, "Momma, are we gay rights."

"Yes," I answered, as seriously, "we are."

When the social worker came to the house for our home visit for our second adoption, I worried a bit about what he might say to her. I asked him what he would say if she wanted to know something about our family. He looked at me with gentleness and kindness in his voice and said, "Momma, I would tell her that we are a lesbian family," as if there were no better thing in the world to be. Perhaps there isn’t.